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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27056800">Little Leather Riding Hood</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockyMountainRattlesnake/pseuds/RockyMountainRattlesnake'>RockyMountainRattlesnake</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, F/M, Fairy Tale Parody, Now with more plot!, Red Riding Hood Elements, This Is STUPID, shameless crack</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:48:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,723</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27056800</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockyMountainRattlesnake/pseuds/RockyMountainRattlesnake</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone knows the Forest is home to dark, scary monsters. But Granny’s sick, and there’s only one errand boy up to the task: Little Leather Riding Hood and his basket of goodies.</p><p>A shamelessly crack-y fairytale retelling...with a twist.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The birds chirped robotically, a few seconds of staticky overlay before their song faded back to normal.</p><p>They sang from the treetops, serenading the quaint little village buried in the depths of a beautiful pine forest. And the edge of the village, right next to the mighty wood, was the home of Little Leather Riding Hood.</p><p>Little Leather Riding Hood, who wasn’t actually very little because he was a grown man, sat on a stool by the door of his family home and waited rather impatiently for his mother to finish gathering parts for his poorly granny. They rattled and clanked as she fished around in the cupboards, and he fiddled with the edge of his leather cloak in irritation. Sitting still had never been his strong point.</p><p>“Now, when you go to your granny’s house, remember to stay on the path, for god’s sake!” his mother admonished, and Little Leather Riding Hood sighed mightily.</p><p>“Yes, mum,” He sighed, “Can I go now?”</p><p>“Yes, yes. Run along now, and be back before nightfall!” she said, shooing him out the door.</p><p>Once it had closed behind him, Little Leather Riding hood frowned and looked at the house in confusion for a few moments.</p><p>“…Odd. I didn’t think I had a mother. Oh well!” he said, and trotted into the forest confidently.</p><p>The birds chirped, the wind rustled in the branches, and the smell of nature in the summertime was all around him. He smiled and took a deep breath, enjoying himself immensely- the only thing better would be some company.</p><p>“Heyyy, Little Leather! Hold up a sec!” A voice behind him called, and Little Leather Riding Hood turned around- and immediately scowled.</p><p>“Mister Hunter.” He sighed, “What do you want? And…uh…what’s with the bag?”</p><p>The Hunter had a bag slung over his shoulder and a smug smile on his face. “Oh, this? It’s, uh, for the wolf. There’s one prowling around in the woods, should probably avoid it if you see it. Me? I’m going hunting.” He waggled his eyebrows, and Little Leather Riding Hood wrinkled his nose- the Hunter’s advances were yet another thing his mother had warned him about.  The mother he was pretty sure he didn’t have.</p><p>“I don’t want to know.” Little Leather replied, pulling his leather cloak a little tighter, “I suspect a wolf might be deeper in the trees, so I’d look there.”</p><p>“Good idea. Thanks for that! Take care!” the Hunter said, and he skipped deeper into the trees in pursuit of his quarry.</p><p>Little Leather Riding Hood rolled his eyes and set off down the path, enjoying the crunch of dirt under his feet and the rustling of the branches overhead. Chipmunks chattered at him from their holes, and a flock of crows scattered off a rotted out deer on the side of the path. A rotted deer with its throat torn out and deep tooth marks in all its bones. Little Leather paid it no heed, as it was all part of the balance of nature.</p><p>As he walked, the forest got thicker, and darker, the trees tighter together, less sunlight filtering onto the trail. It was gloomy and quite spooky, and the odd croak of a raven did little to settle his nerves. That he was alone made it even more nerve-wracking- but, Little Leather took a deep breath, clenched his jaw, and kept going. He wasn’t afraid of anything.</p><p>As he walked, a pair of greedy amber eyes watched him from the shadows.</p><p>“Why does my granny even LIVE down this godforsaken path?” Little Leather grumbled to himself, “Could have built her house across from us, but no, gotta live ten miles down the murder trail…”</p><p>Just then, he stepped out into a bright clearing with a babbling brook and a crystal-clear pond. The sun shone on swaying grass, and beautiful flowers poked up all around him.</p><p>Little Leather sighed in relief, taking a few steps into the knee-high meadow, when a twig snapped behind him.</p><p>He spun around, basket of parts clanking, and scowled.</p><p>“Who’s there?! Show yourself!” he barked.</p><p>“Just me. No need to fret.” A friendly female voice said.</p><p>From the woods beside the trail, a wolf emerged. It was a very strange wolf, because it looked like it had dyed all its fur blonde. It appeared to have also put on some lipstick and found a necklace with a key on it somewhere, which Little Leather found rather confusing. Still. There were stranger things than fashion-conscious wolves, he supposed.</p><p>“Who are you?” he said, “The Hunter said I shouldn’t talk to any wolves I met…and so did my mother.”</p><p>“…You don’t have a mother.” The wolf replied, sounding equally confused, “That’s…I mean… y’know what, let’s just forget it. Anyway. Where are you going, Little Leather Riding Hood?”</p><p>“To see my granny. She’s feeling poorly, and my…uh…hallucinatory mother gave me this basket of parts to help her feel better. Wait, hold on, how the hell is a basket of parts supposed to help? That doesn’t make any sense…” Little Leather frowned, scratching his head.</p><p>“Well, I’m sure it makes sense to your granny. Say, there’s lots of pretty flowers in this meadow, aren’t there?” the Wolf said sweetly, “I bet your granny would just love it if you picked her some. Put ‘em in a vase on her table, she would. It’ll brighten her right up, I bet.”</p><p>“That’s a great idea, actually. I think I will. Thanks, Miss Wolf!” Little Leather said, immediately dropping to his knees to start picking flowers. He paused after pulling up a daisy, staring at it with a frown; actually, that didn't make any sense at all. Why was he picking flowers again? </p><p>By the time he looked up to question the Wolf, she was already gone.</p><p>The Wolf, satisfied, slunk back into the woods, and started to sneak off down the trail. As sneakily as a bottle blonde canine could, which wasn’t exactly the last word in stealth. Still, as Little Leather picked, she crept up to the cottage just past the meadow, licking her chops.</p><p>The cottage was painted blue, with a light on the top and no chimney. There was a sign on the door that the Wolf stopped to read.</p><p>“Free for use of the public- hey, hold on a minute. I’m a wolf. Wolves can’t read.” She said, sitting back on her haunches, “Oh, whatever. I’m too hungry for this.”</p><p>She shoved the door open and stalked inside.</p><p>It became rapidly apparent that there was no granny in there, just a strange column in the middle of the room with a mushroom-shaped ring around the bottom of it and a green glowing column that stretched to the ceiling. Fortunately there was also a bed and a wardrobe placed rather haphazardly on the steel-grate flooring, so at least her plan could still work.</p><p>The column was glowing and humming, and the Wolf, slightly annoyed at the lack of food options or elderly relatives to eat, opted to grab one of the panels on the column and give it a good yank up. Maybe there was food underneath there.</p><p>“Oh crap.” She muttered, seconds before getting shocked into unconsciousness.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> Little Leather sat in the meadow, surrounded by flowers, with a deep scowl on his face.</p><p>“I swear I remember not having a grandmother…” he muttered, standing up slowly, “I could have SWORN I didn’t have one. I had a <em>granddaughter</em>, but I didn’t have a<em> grandmother</em>…did I?”</p><p>He looked at a nearby bluebird as though it would explain things to him. It merely chirped and took off from the branch it was roosting on.</p><p>Little Leather sighed and shook his head, clutching his bouquet and setting off back down the trail. There’d be time for contemplation later.</p><p>His Granny’s cottage loomed into view a minute or so later, surrounded on all sides by creepy gnarled trees and strange giant mushrooms and grass stalks the size of trees. Little Leather frowned and poked one of them, looking over at a nearby slug crawling across the path and glaring at it.</p><p>“You want to explain why I’m suddenly in an entirely different biome after walking ten feet?” He growled.</p><p>The slug oozed a little in reply.</p><p>“Great. I’m talking to a slug. I must be losing my mind.” He muttered.</p><p>“Yeah? Well fuck you too, pal!” the slug snapped, and Little Leather blinked a few times in surprise.</p><p>He decided it would be best to ignore that, and walked up to his granny’s house. The dark blue wooden sides set him at ease, as did the big door with its friendly sign. The cottage was a small little box in the middle of the woods, barely big enough for a man and a desk and a phone- Little Leather turned the handle and stepped inside.</p><p>The inside of his Granny’s house was so much bigger than the outside, and he smiled at the comforting coral struts that arched up all around him. He walked up the ramp to where some thoughtless prick had jammed a small bed sideways against the central column.</p><p>And there in the bed was his Granny, snuggled up under the blankets. Little Leather looked at the shape of her lower half under the linens, and then up at her head, and then back at her body. From the neck down, she looked pretty human, but…</p><p>“My, grandma, what…large teeth you have?” he said, scratching his head a little.</p><p>“Hey, don’t judge me! You look like a taxi coming down the street with the doors open!” the wolf said, licking her teeth selfconsciously. “They’re not…THAT big…”</p><p>“You’ve also gotten a lot hairier, grandma…” he added, narrowing his eyes.</p><p>“Yeah, well, some of us don’t go to the barber and ask for a buzz cut.” She protested.</p><p>“And for Rassilon’s sake, your nose is gigantic, Grandma!” He protested, waving a hand at it.</p><p>“Yeah, well, takes one to know one!” she replied, grabbing at her nose with very human hands and a look of serious insult.</p><p>“And Grandma, what large- hold on a sec, why the hell’s one of the panels torn up!? Did you do that? ARE YOU INSANE?!” Little Leather yelled, jumping onto the bed and letting the springs launch him up and to the other side. His grandma grunted at the sudden jerk, and he grabbed at the panel, shoving it back into place with a grunt. The column hummed, sparks shooting out of the gap, and within seconds it was back in place.</p><p>Little Leather turned around and folded his arms, glaring at his granny. “You’re that wolf from earlier, aren’t you! What are you doing tearing bits out of my- hold on a sec. I don’t have a granny, and this isn’t her house. This is my ship.”</p><p>“I’m not a wolf either. At least, I don’t think I’m a wolf. I am really hungry, though.” The wolf said mournfully, sitting up in bed. Her body was very human, and her head looked almost…well, it looked like someone wearing an oversized wolf mask, now he thought about it.</p><p>She was wearing a ridiculous Union Jack t-shirt and some jeans, and Little Leather scratched his head.</p><p>“Alright, well…we’ll…we’ll figure this out later. I’m assuming your plan was to eat my granny and then me, but that’s rather fallen through…”</p><p>“I mean…” the Wolf said, casting her eye all over him, and Little Leather huffed.</p><p>“Come on, Wolf. Let’s get you something to eat, and we’ll sort this out over supper. I think I have a kitchen somewhere in here.”</p><p>“Oooh, is there chips?” The Wolf said, springing up in excitement.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“S’not as good when they’re just oven-baked…” the Wolf groused, nevertheless crunching up a fistful of starchy goodness the minute Little Leather looked away. It was the strangest thing- the more he looked, the more his Wolf’s head looked like an oversized puppet for a realistic wolf costume. How she was eating with a mouth he was fairly certain was fake, Little Leather couldn’t say.</p><p>They both sat on the jumpseat, munching away at their platefuls of chips, as Little Leather attempted to work out what had happened. Something was clearly not right with this world, but he’d be buggered if he could figure out what.</p><p>“I swear I know you from somewhere. Somewhere that isn’t the village or the forest.” He furrowed his brow and tried to think. What did he remember of his life before his mother sent him off to go deliver a basket of parts to his granny?</p><p>It was all a little…blurry, which should really have been more concerning than it was.</p><p>He looked over his Wolf, sitting there with a bowl of fries balanced haphazardly in her lap, and smiled. He reached down and interlaced the fingers of her free hand with his own. Wolf or not, he was certainly enjoying her company.</p><p>“I know I remember you from somewhere. I know I have a mum. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t look like me, though.”  The Wolf replied.</p><p>“Wonder what happened to the Hunter. He was looking for you, y’know…”</p><p>Just then, the door banged open, and Little Leather sighed and lowered his hood.</p><p>“Speak of the devil…”</p><p>The Hunter swaggered into the room with a big grin on his face, upending his sack on the bed while keeping his gaze locked on the Wolf.</p><p>“Alright, Wolfie! You and me! I’ve got some presents for ya!” he said and Little Leather looked down at what had tumbled all over the bed- and scowled.</p><p>The Hunter had a box of chocolates, a bottle of champagne, and a box of condoms. And a very, <em>very</em> proud-of-himself smirk that only served to set Little Leather’s blood boiling.</p><p>“Alright, Hunter, that’s enough. Put all that away. I found her first, so the Wolf’s mine!” he yelled, unsure as to why he was so jealous but nevertheless unwilling to fight it.</p><p>The Hunter took a step back and put his hands up.</p><p>“Alright, alright. Jeez, man. Calm down.” The Hunter said, “I guess the Wolf wasn’t so big or bad after all, eh?”</p><p>“I’ll say…” the Wolf muttered, shoving another fistful of chips into her mouth. She chewed, watching Little Leather pacing back and forth in front of the column, clearly deep in thought.</p><p>“What’s on your mind, Little Leather?” she asked, and he stopped and leaned back against the controls, arms folded.</p><p>“I’m trying to make sense of this. I haven’t got a mother. I haven’t got a grandmother. Yet my mother sent me off with a basket of parts for my grandmother. I know both of you from somewhere before. This place isn’t right. We need to find out what’s wrong and get out of here.”</p><p>“Oh thank god, I’m not alone.” The Hunter muttered, rubbing his forehead, “I thought something was up, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.”</p><p>“Actually, yeah. I’m pretty sure I lived in a house and slept in a bed at some point…and wolves don’t live in houses.”</p><p>Little Leather nodded, still thinking.</p><p>“…You called this place ‘your ship,’ the Wolf said slowly, “You fixed it after I broke it. You know how to make it work. Maybe…if it’s a ship, maybe it can move?”</p><p>“It’s a <em>box,</em>” the Hunter protested, “Boxes don’t move.”</p><p>Little Leather jerked his head up and spun around, staring at the central column.</p><p>“Yes they do.” He said quietly, “I remember…”</p><p>Little Leather stomped over to the central column and cast his eyes over all the buttons and switches. He yanked a few of them experimentally, listening to the machine hum.</p><p>And then he grinned. Hints of memories drifted to him, floating through his mind and settling all around him like snow in drifts.</p><p>He knew what he was doing.</p><p>A screen before him showed a swirling code that read perfectly clearly to him- a space forty feet to the left of their location, three minutes from now. That worked just fine for him.</p><p>Little Leather ran about the console, yanking levers and pulling switches, and with a whoop, his granny’s cottage lurched into life, rumbled for a bit, and smacked into the ground a second later.</p><p>The Wolf and the Hunter groaned as they picked themselves up off the grating.</p><p>“Alright, what the hell was that all about? I nearly smashed my champagne!” the Hunter groaned, climbing up with the aid of the bed. Little Leather shook his head and gestured at the front door of the cottage.</p><p>“I moved us about forty feet to the left.” He said, walking over to pick his Wolf up off the grating. Her head was now strangely crooked, as though she’d landed on the floor and twisted it; he carefully grabbed the sides of it and twisted it back into place.</p><p>Her amber eyes blinked at him, and he smiled.</p><p>“Let’s go find out what’s on the other side.” Little Leather said, taking her hand and leading her towards the doors.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have no explanation for this. I also have no excuse. Here's some crack, I hope you enjoyed it.</p><p>If you want more, leave a comment and let me know.</p><p>Oh, and thanks to Polyhymnia for the summary!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Outside his granny’s cottage and/or ship was a world completely unlike the forest or the village. Little Leather stepped out onto a metal floor nervously, looking around in concern. They were in a vast metal room, with wires and pipes all around, that was dominated in the center by a tremendous steel dome. It, too, was covered in pipes and wires, and Little Leather looked over it. Forty feet to the right from where they stood would put them inside the gigantic steel dome.</p>
<p>“…The Forest…is in THAT thing?” The Wolf said nervously, and Little Leather nodded.</p>
<p>“This isn’t right. We need to find out who’s running this place. And I’m pretty sure it’s not my mother.” He quipped, jerking his head in the direction of a long metal tunnel ahead of them. “This way.”</p>
<p>“Okay, but…why? Why that way specifically?” the Hunter said, clutching his champagne protectively, “Any reason it’s not, I dunno, behind your granny’s house?”</p>
<p>Little Leather pointed at a sign screwed on the wall with an arrow pointing at the passage. BAD WOLF was written above it.</p>
<p>“The real wolf’s that way. What kind of hunter are you?” He scowled.</p>
<p>“One who’s clearly not getting laid.” The Hunter sighed.</p>
<p>The Wolf trotted up and slipped her hand into his, and Little Leather smiled at her. It felt right, somehow, even if he didn’t know why.</p>
<p>“Well, lead on, then!” she said brightly, and he had to resist a strong urge to put an arm around her shoulder.</p>
<p>And also a strong urge to start skipping.</p>
<p>The three of them set off down the metal hall, listening to the rattly echo of every footstep off the rickety steel floors. The pipes hissed, the wires hummed, and Little Leather frowned as the hallway opened up- into another massive room with a giant steel dome in it, just like the one they’d been in.</p>
<p>There was a sign posted on the wall in the same place as in the previous room, and the Hunter peered at it, raising an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“So, uh…what’s “Snow White”?” he asked, and Little Leather and the Wolf both shrugged.</p>
<p>“It say anything about that Bad Wolf?” the Wolf asked, “’Cause I know I’m supposed to be the Wolf around here, I just don’t feel like I’m…bad.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think you are.” Little Leather said, focusing his eyes on the door on the other side of the room, just down from where they were standing. BAD WOLF was written on the door, and he dropped his Wolf’s hand and marched over to it, practically kicking it down.</p>
<p> Little Leather stepped into a huge room full of dozens of people hunched over computer monitors in long banks, wearing headsets and muttering to each other. The minute he set foot in the room, an alarm started blaring, and he scowled expectantly as a sea of faces whipped around to look at him.</p>
<p>“Aw, shit, Craig, seriously?!” one man said, turning and smacking his colleague in the arm, “I TOLD YOU that you shoulda just sent someone to let them out-“</p>
<p>“Look, Tom, I don’t know how they got in there, okay? You said, if they’re in the dome, they’re customers, so we give them the experience-” Craig protested in a nasally voice.</p>
<p>Little Leather cleared his throat and rattled his basket of metal parts to try to get everyone’s attention. The Wolf and the Hunter shoved up beside him, all three glaring at the roomful of technicians with stares that could cut diamond in half.</p>
<p>“Let’s start with the basics. Where the hell are we?” Little Leather said, staring directly at Craig.</p>
<p>The man next to him, Tom, sighed and turned to hit a button on his monitor.</p>
<p>“You’re…This is the World Of Living Fairytales. The-the top-rated themed resort in all of the Plieades.” Craig spluttered, “I- how could you not know that? You came here!”</p>
<p>“Craig….” Tom muttered, rubbing his temples, “Their session is still running. Of course they’re not going to remember jack shit, you <em>absolute moron.”</em></p>
<p>“Oh. Um. Yes. Right, let me just-“ Craig turned back to his console and started pushing buttons, looking rather nervous as he did so.</p>
<p>“World of…Living Fairytales?” Little Leather echoed, raising an eyebrow, “What’s that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p>“People come here for a virtual-reality experience that encompasses all the senses, letting you live out some of Earth’s classic fairytales. We’ve got other experiences too, if you’re interested, although I don’t think you will be, seeing as security is currently on their way. I do want to apologize for this…idiot…dumping you in the deep end without sending someone in to explain what was going on.” Tom sighed, jerking his thumb at a nervous Craig, who was still scrambling over buttons and turning a spectacular shade of crimson.</p>
<p>“I- I can’t turn it off.” He protested, “it doesn’t- it won’t let me deactivate it. They- they need to finish the story before I can let them go.”</p>
<p>“Finish the story?” the Wolf echoed, folding her arms and glaring at him, “You mean we’re just...Pretending? What’s the story we’re supposed to be following, then? How’s it end?”</p>
<p>Tom rolled his eyes and elbowed Craig out of the way, hammering a few keys on the other man’s terminal- and turning very pale indeed.</p>
<p>“Craig, you <em>idiot…”</em> he growled, “You LOCKED IT IN?!”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry!” he yelled, “I- I-“</p>
<p>The younger man turned to face Rose, quite ashen, and swallowed.</p>
<p>“I…I messed up. You…gotta finish the story. Then it’ll automatically let you go.”</p>
<p>“And how’s the story end, then?” the Hunter said, his grip on his champagne bottle tightening.</p>
<p>“Um…Well, the…the Wolf eats Little Red, or…in some versions, Little Red hides in a closet-“</p>
<p>“Who’s Little Red?” Little Leather asked with a frown, “There’s no Little Red here. Just me. And I thought I was Little Leather Riding Hood.”</p>
<p>“Craig, you’re an idiot….” Tom growled, “The GIRL was supposed to be Little Red, and Scary McBasketcase there was supposed to be the WOLF!”</p>
<p>“I DON’T KNOW! It just- it just did that! The system overruled me, okay?!”  </p>
<p>Tom sighed, and stepped back, throwing his hands up.</p>
<p>“Alright, fine. You wanted this job, <em>you</em> fix it. Tell them what they need to know.” Tom said, gesturing at the three people currently loitering in the entrance to their control room.</p>
<p>“Well. Um. The…the wolf, uh. Well, the Wolf does something to Little Red Riding Hood. In all versions of the story. Sometimes the Wolf eats her, sometimes she escapes and hides in a closet…but then the Hunter, in some versions, arrives, and he kills the wolf and frees Little Red and her Grandma by cutting open the wolf’s stomach. So uh-“ Craig said, grinning nervously.</p>
<p>The Hunter stared at him, absolutely horrified. His expression was still somehow less aghast than Little Leather’s, who immediately pulled the Wolf against his chest and took a step back.</p>
<p>“That’s not happening. This- you’re not doing any such thing. Not to her. No. I won’t allow it.” He snarled at the technicians.</p>
<p>“Well…I…the memory lock won’t undo unless…unless the narrative is complete…” Craig stammered.</p>
<p>The Hunter looked murderous, Little Leather was about to launch into a tirade so blistering it would have flayed Craig’s face off, and the Wolf…</p>
<p>…Shoved out of Little Leather’s grip and turned to Craig and Tom.</p>
<p>“This place. It was marked as Bad Wolf outside. What’s this place here called, then? Specifically?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Brain Altering Datacentre for the World Of Living Fairytales. Why?” Tom replied, peering over to look at his screen. “Where the hell is security? What’s taking them so long?”</p>
<p>The Wolf’s costume muzzle, for a moment, looked like she was smirking.</p>
<p>She looked at the Hunter, and underneath the eyeholes, he could almost see her quirk an eyebrow.</p>
<p>The Hunter’s face lit up at the same time as Little Leather’s.</p>
<p>“Wolfie, you’re a genius. Alright, you want me to kill the wolf? Let’s DO THIS!” the Hunter thundered, storming over to Craig’s terminal.</p>
<p>“What- WHAT- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Craig yelled, backing away from the madman, “NO- STOP-“</p>
<p>“BOTTOMS UP, MOTHERFUCKERS!” The Hunter roared, smashing his bottle of champagne over the delicate terminal.</p>
<p>Glass shattered and champagne splashed EVERYWHERE, leaking through the ventilation slats and down the exposed back of the machine, soaking into the keyboard and dribbling onto the floor.  Instantly the screen went black, and the Hunter’s devilish grin softened into one of abject confusion.</p>
<p>He blinked a few times, wobbling on his feet, and turned around slowly. Behind him, Craig was inconsolable, shouting and flailing his arms in a panic, and an apoplectic Tom had found a walkie-talkie someplace and was shouting for security down it hard enough to blow a blood vessel in his eye.</p>
<p>“Doc?” the Hunter said slowly, “Doctor? Rose? You guys alright?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I think…Yeah.” The Doctor was wobbling on his feet a little, clutching his head. “I think it’s all back. I don’t think that field changes any memories, just…induces temporary amnesia. Rose? Are you alright?”</p>
<p>“I will be after I get this stupid wolf head off!” she growled, grabbing at the bottom of it and trying to pull it off, “It’s stuck!”</p>
<p>“Here, let me,” the Doctor grabbed it by the muzzle and the back and gave it an almighty yank, tearing it off Rose with a yelp from her and a grunted stagged from him.</p>
<p>The Doctor looked over the blonde-furred wolf costume face now that it wasn’t wrapped around Rose’s head, shaking his head and throwing it away, inadvertently hitting a technician in the face with it.</p>
<p>“So, okay. Just the virtual reality domes then? No real outstanding evil?” The Doctor asked, “Bit of a letdown, that. Here was me hoping for a good dictatorship or an evil computer, but apparently it’s just me landing the TARDIS in the wrong spot.”</p>
<p>Rose snorted. “Not your first time doing that…”</p>
<p>“Are you ever going to let me live that down? I said I was sorry!”</p>
<p>“To ME, not my mum!”</p>
<p>“SHE SLAPPED ME!”</p>
<p>“Okay, can you two lovebirds have your domestic some other time? I just noticed that I’ve been wearing a pair of lederhosen this entire time. This really ain’t my style. Where are our things?” Jack said, turning to stare at the technicians.</p>
<p>“They…they should be in a locker by your dome. Um…” Craig turned to stare at his terminal despondently, and the Doctor nodded and grabbed Rose’s hand.</p>
<p>“Well, no sense sticking around here, then!” he said cheerfully, leading Rose back into the second large room.</p>
<p>Rose stopped a few steps into their journey, looking the Doctor up and down- and immediately burst out laughing.</p>
<p>It took Jack a second to realize what they’d dressed the Doctor in- and then he was collapsing in stitches as well.</p>
<p>The Doctor looked down at himself and the costume he’d been wearing the entire time. Maroon jumper, check. Leather riding hood, check.</p>
<p>…Short red skirt with a lacy edge…</p>
<p>“Ah.” He said, feeling at the ruffled material, “Well. Here’s hoping they didn’t incinerate me trousers, then…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>An unexpected part two outta nowhere! Because I figured we could all use some fun stupid right now. I hope you like it! </p>
<p>Don't think too hard about this story, I certainly didn't.</p>
<p>Let me know your thoughts!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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